I recently asked my mother if I would ever forget the moment I first laid eyes on my son.  She assured me I would not.  What an incredible experience it was to take hold of his slippery body, look into his face, and listen to his cry!  After pushing for what seemed like an eternity, almost forgetting the end in sight, as soon as Jack was given to me the room and the pain disappeared.  I felt relief and exhilaration and an unbelief that this beautiful life had just come out of me.  I felt like I was in a slow-motion scene in a movie.  It felt so good to stop struggling and just breathe freely and take the moment in.

I am still drinking in these precious moments with Jack everyday.  When he’s sleeping, nursing, smiling at me or his daddy, even crying, I find myself staring at him and marveling at his beauty.  Sometimes I still can’t believe God gave me such a precious gift to take care of for a while!  I absolutely love being Jack’s mommy!

A sort of ache exists in my heart because I know these little moments I am experiencing are passing by way too quickly.  Jack is growing and changing every day!  So I cherish these moments, try to store them away in my memory, and look ahead to the new moments we will share as Jack grows up.  There is much more beauty to take in…

For Mother’s Day, Randy got me a Sara Groves album called “Station Wagon” (if you haven’t listened to it, I highly recommend it).  As always, her lyrics perfectly capture life, from the mundane to the extraordinary.  One song in particular touches me every time I listen to it.  It describes exactly how I feel about Jack.  I have seen some amazing sights:  beautiful sunrises and sunsets, ocean and mountain views, fall colors and spring flowers, even the Great Wall of China…but next to Jack, “all of the beauty seems so plain”.  Enjoy some pictures of his first 3 months as I share with you the lyrics:

Beautiful Child by Sara Groves

Beautiful child right from the moment you were born

You overtook my heart my world

My beautiful child

Tender and sweet both in your crying and your sleep

You radiate a sense of hope

You’re beautiful

And I have seen the most amazing sights

In my travels on the earth

Misty seas and amber harbor lights

And other things of matchless worth

But next to you all of the beauty seems so plain

You would think I’d never seen a beautiful thing

And I have seen the most amazing sights

In my travels on the earth

Seven sacred pools on starry nights

And other things of matchless worth

But next to you all of the beauty seems so plain

You would think I’d never seen a beautiful thing

I have seen the most amazing sights

In my travels on the earth

Moonlight sleeping on the canyon heights

And other things of matchless worth

But next to you all of the beauty seems so plain

You would think I’d never seen a beautiful thing

“Jasper” means “treasure holder”.  It is a variant of “Gaspar”, meaning “he who guards the treasure”.  It is commonly believed that Gaspar was the name of one of the three wise men, who followed the Star to Bethlehem and presented Jesus with precious gifts.

“Augustus” means “great” or “magnificent”.  It is a title popularly given to Roman emperors and German princely families.  Octavius was given the title “Augustus” when he became the first Roman emperor; we find mention of him in Luke 2 (Caesar Augustus).  Because he issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world, Joseph and Mary had to travel to Bethlehem, where Joseph’s family originated.

A few thoughts struck me as I began to consider the meaning of our son’s name.  The obvious one is how neat it is that both names are reflected in the Christmas Story!  The next is that I want Jack’s life to reflect these meanings.

When I first read “treasure holder”, I was reminded of these verses in Matthew:

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls.  When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” (Matt. 13:44-46)

I pray that Jack will find his ultimate Treasure in Christ, not in earthly “treasures” that do not last.  I pray that Jack will guard this Treasure, hold onto Jesus, and let go of the things in his life and the things in this world that hinder him from keeping his eyes fixed on Jesus.

Secondly, I pray that Jack will understand and walk in the true meaning of “greatness”.  Jesus said:  “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all” (Mark 9:35).  Greatness, contrary to what the world tells us, is not about power and money and image.  God’s Kingdom is “upside down” from ours!  True greatness is reflected in humility and service.

Before we knew Jack was going to be a boy, I kept having thoughts and dreams about him.  One vision came to me during church:  I saw him as a young man, playing the guitar and worshipping God.  I don’t know what the future holds for Jack, but regardless of his musical ability, I pray that he becomes a worshipper of God in spirit and in truth.  I pray that he will invite others into the worship of our Great God who provided us the way of reconciliation to Him through Jesus Christ.

For those of you who are curious, we chose this name because my great-grandfather’s name was Ornan Jasper McCaskill and Randy’s dad’s name was Jackie Augusta Thomas.  We’re calling him “Jack” because C.S. Lewis’ nickname was Jack, and he is one of our favorite writers (plus, “Jack” is a cute nickname).  We can’t wait to meet him!!!

I borrowed the concept of the “Title Page” from C.S. Lewis, who compared our lives on earth to the Cover and Title Page of a book and said our “Great Story” would begin when we reached heaven (see the final page of “The Last Battle”, in the Chronicles of Narnia).

As I experience pregnancy, I am noticing the spiritual connections more and more.  Baby Jack is safe and secure in my womb right now; he has yet to embark on the exciting, and somewhat scary, journey into this world.  In the meantime, Randy and I are preparing a place for him in our home.  We love him so much and we eagerly await his arrival.  We can’t wait to see him face-to-face and hold him in our arms.  In much the same way, we are in a “waiting period” in this world, and we have yet to experience the exciting, and somewhat scary, journey into the next World.  In the meantime, Jesus is preparing a place for those who put their trust in Him.  He loves us and can’t wait for us to get Home, see Him face-to-face, and be held in His arms!

Above Jack’s crib, we will be hanging a framed print of Rembrandt’s “Prodigal Son”.  My hope is that Jack will always know that he is welcome home to his father and mother, no matter where he’s been or what he’s done.  More than that, I pray that Jack will hear the Father’s call to come Home to Him, away from living life for himself, like an orphan.  I pray that he will know and accept the grace and forgiveness of God through Jesus, and follow Jesus all the days of his life.

I heard a song that communicated the parallel between childbirth and our final transition from this Title Page to the Great Story the other day and want to close with these beautiful lyrics:

We’ve Been Waiting For You by Carolyn Arends

Let me hold you close, I know you’re frightened
Go ahead and cry, I understand
You were safe and you were warm
And then suddenly without a warning
Things began to change
It must have seemed so strange

To all at once be traveling a journey
All the way to this delivery room
But baby you are not alone
Your room is ready, let’s go home
You’re gonna like it here
Let me make it clear that

We’ve been waiting for you
We’re so glad you came
We’ve been looking forward
To showing you the place
There’s so much in store and
We’ve been waiting for you

I know it can take some getting used to
But this old world is where you’re meant to be
Life is something not to miss
The taste of ice cream, your first kiss
And when love takes your hand
You will understand why

We’ve been waiting for you
We’re so glad you came
We’ve been looking forward
To showing you the place
There’s so much in store and
We’ve been waiting for you

And watching you come into this world
Baby, you’ve made me believe
Another journey awaits us
So when I have to leave

I am pretty sure that I’ll be frightened
But even if I cry, please understand
I will know I’m not alone
When my room is ready I’ll go home
And when I reach the gate
I’m going to hear them saying

We’ve been waiting for you
We’re so glad you came
We’ve been looking forward
To showing you the place
There’s so much in store and
We’ve been waiting for you